Age is a Gift Embracing Maturity and Redefining Youth

If it’s one thing about Trinbagonians, they will tell you how you looking. If you gain weight (“put on size”), if you lose weight (“get small”), if you dye your hair or if you getting grey. My favourite one is, “like yuh lime last night, yuh lookin tired!” when you feel perfectly fine. Like, I thought I was looking good today but thanks Mary!

I have always been conscious about how I look, because I have always felt like I was under observation. So it’s no wonder that as I dig deeper into my 30’s I’m noticing every single sign that my body is changing, and having mini panic attacks each time.

The world constantly reminds women that the clock is ticking – on our looks, our sexual desirability, our ability to reproduce, our usefulness.

Social media and the entertainment industry fuel the fire. Beauty filters, editing and sometimes help from pricey procedures help famous folks set the standard for the rest of us. Movies and TV shows often cast much younger actresses to play mature roles, and pair older men with much younger women but rarely the reverse.

In response, we grasp onto every ounce of superficial youth that we can. Alarmingly, the fear of aging visibly has spread to younger girls, with anti-aging products experiencing an upsurge of purchases from teenagers and girls under 13.

Brands like Dove, have started campaigns to combat this trend:

“When did 10-year-olds start worrying about wrinkles and getting older? It is time to speak up to highlight the absurdity and protect their self-esteem,” says Firdaous El Honsali, Global Vice President, Dove.  “At Dove, we believe beauty should be a source of happiness, not anxiety. For two decades, we have taken action to build confidence and self-esteem for millions of girls. Today, our girls are anti-aging before they’ve even started to grow up and need us more than ever.”

Recently, I noticed a deep wrinkle on my forehead. I immediately started researching ways to diminish and prevent wrinkles. I was bombarded with product recommendations. Every type of serum, retinol, mask, procedure imaginable. Even a tip that recommended that I move my face less! Me? My face has been giving away my thoughts forever.

The skincare section at the cosmetics store had limitless anti-aging options. I couldn’t decide what to get or do, so I decided that I would do…nothing.

What’s the worse that could happen? I’d look older? I’m fine with that, because the fact is…I am older! Am I afraid of the world judging me? My reply to that is – you don’t get to tell me how to feel about myself.

I started noticing other habits I’ve been taking to stop the natural effects of aging. I don’t wipe my face downwards so that I won’t pull my skin into sagging. Any time I catch myself squinting I immediately snap out of it to prevent more crow’s-feet at the corners of my eyes. A few weeks ago, I saw someone on social media share a picture of a celebrity in her 50s, pointing out how great their facial skin looked but how wrinkled their hands were, thus “selling out her real age”. So, I started putting sunscreen on my hands. Now, sunscreen has actual health benefits – like preventing skin cancer – so I’ll keep that one. But the anxiety over preventing the appearance of aging on my body HAD to go!

I was no longer going to live my life in response to fear of judgment, but rather in honour of the person I want to be.

So, when I got my first grey hair this year instead of plucking it out or running towards the dye, I started excitedly looking out to see if I spotted it – even styling my hair to show it off. One day it dropped out and I never saw it again, but we had some good times together.

I don’t feel pressured to wear makeup, uncomfortable shoes or clothes that don’t feel good on my body. I do what I want – okay Mary?!

But that’s the outside part! Seeing that wrinkle sparked a whole other inner dialogue – about how much time I had left and how quickly that time was flying by.

Aging is not just about how we look or feel you see; it can be about reconciling with our own mortality. About watching our parents or guardians age and wondering how much time you have with them left. Stepping into a bigger role with taking care of a home, elders, children or just ourselves. Wondering if we would ever get to do the things we’ve always wanted to do. The bright side is these things make the external piece matter just a little less.  

Getting older is not at all a shameful thing. It’s a testament to survival, to endurance, and to experiences. Every wrinkle is proof that I’ve smiled, laughed, been surprised and squinted at the sun blasting on my face. Every grey hair is a celebration of the growing knowledge of ourselves and our world. As I age, my relationship with myself gets better. I learn more of what I want, what fills my cup and what my body needs, all through life experiences. I spend more time with the people I value, and that value me. I learn more about the world. I get to care about others in a greater capacity. I get to decide if snack time means that I eat an entire birthday cake from the grocery. Every day is someone’s birthday, right?

Let’s celebrate life and ourselves, by acknowledging that aging is the privilege of being alive.

To hear more from Shalini, visit: https://medium.com/@shal.jabar